Thursday, May 29, 2014

FILM -- Godzilla

Written by: Pamela HorrorSlut

I really thought that Godzilla was going to be an awesome movie. Hell, the previews had me on the edge of my seat. I loved how they kept you in the dark about how Godzilla really looked. Then, I saw the movie.

Okay. It wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t the greatest either. The beginning did make you feel sorry for Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad). And I’m not going to lie. I loved his adult son, Ford Brody, played by the beautiful Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Side note: I don’t know why, but my legs slightly opened every time he appeared on screen. They do this same thing every time I watch him in interviews, too. He’s always so nice in interviews, always seducing me with that British accent and those gray-bluish eyes that keep telling me to not even wear panties on our first date. His eyes and the weight he put on for the film were the main things that kept me in the movie.

I’ll get back to the movie, but I do have to say one other thing. Yes, there is nothing like a sexy, naked guy. However, Mr. Taylor-Johnson barely, if ever, took off his shirt, which I found overly enticing, especially the way his casual clothes hugged that chest of his. Dude, I so wanted to be his clothes. That way I could be close to his body without any other whore ever seeing all the things he’s packing.

Okay, back to the review. Sorry for straying like a dirty kitty. Pun intended.

At the beginning, we find out that something has demolished an entire Japanese city as well as the important power plant on the outskirts. Reports claim that the plant exploded and emitted lethal levels of radiation, killing thousands and forcing officials to block the city off from further habitation. Dr. Joe Brody was there during the destruction fifteen years ago. He knows that something different happened then what reports claimed, and that people higher up are still keeping it a secret. Within those passing years, his son Joe has grown into a Navy man and started a family of his own. (I wish it could’ve been with me.) I won’t say why or how he reunites with his father, but eventually he does and soon they are both trying to figure out what destroyed their home all those years ago. Unfortunately, they are nowhere near prepared to encounter monstrous beasts large enough to topple skyscrapers with one slap.

As the Real Queen of Horror says, “I’ll leave off here to avoid spoilers.
As for my thoughts, I agree with many others that the movie had a great plot. One thing I thought was freaking hilarious though and a little too ironic was that everywhere my soon-to-be-husband Aaron Taylor-Johnson went, things just conveniently went along with him. It’s like the monsters had a GPS signal on him and were taking their problems to wherever he was. I kept saying, “Out of all the places these creatures keep going to do whatever they are doing, they just have to go exactly where my fiance is going.

Secondly, I felt that there was something missing to the story. It could have been that things were way too serious. Maybe that’s what the director was going for, but I think sprinkling a little more joy in certain areas would have made this movie a delicious treat. It seemed like disappointment after disappointment for the humans, down to the point where the woman sitting next to me started texting and I wasn’t even mad because it distracted me out of my depression. I even tapped her and asked her where she got her phone case.

I must say that the special effects were SWEET, dude!! They made the monsters, especially Godzilla, look really cool. Actually, Godzilla looked so cool and so real that I tried to take a peek to see if he was a boy or girl. Come on, ladies! I know you would have, too. With a giant like that, even if you were running for your life, you would have at least wanted to take a glimpse to see if there was a huge, dangling ding dong and dumplings chasing you, too. I didn’t see any. I guess Godzilla’s a girl. If so, I wonder what her man is doing tonight. Lol.

All in all, I won’t be a slut for this movie. Sorry! And since it’s my first post for the Real Queen of Horror, I guess it’s only right that I begin rating movies. I liked the dirty kitty thing I used earlier so I give this movie, three out of ten dirty kitties.

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