Thursday, April 5, 2012

FILM -- Born Bad


HOLY CRAP! I have no idea why I even bothered watching this movie! Born Bad was directed by Jared Cohn and I have no idea when it was released--sometime in 2011. It's about a teenage girl named Brooke (Bonnie Dennison) who with her family move to a new area. She's angry, moody, dumb & lonely because her overprotective Dad remarried and her stepmother is pregnant with her Dad's child.

So. She does what majority of insanely naive, too horny to function, hot-in-her-crotches teenage girls these days would do: rebel! She meets Denny, who is charming at first but then of course becomes obsessive, crazy and what not. Denny is an abuser, liar, cheater, cocaine-snorter, blackmailer, rapist, murder...my God, the list goes on! Who knows? He's probably a member of al-Qaeda.


And here's another thing that's just completely bananas: this boyfriend who was suppose to be playing the boyfriend from hell was played by Michael Welch from the Twilight movies. No, no, no...I love Twilight, actually--don't judge me, he was just such a nice boy from the movie and he'll forever be seen as a dork to me. And this dude just wanted to get his shine in this film as a cool, edgy dude since he's usually in the background with only a few lines during Twilight.

He didn't come off as terrifying. He actually just made me laugh during the movie. And obviously, I'm pretty sure that's not what the goal was! He was screaming 89.9% of the film and I'm pretty sure he needed a lozenger. His voice was so hoarse.


Ugh. Please don't judge me on watching this movie...let alone doing a review! As I was about 20 minutes into the movie, I realized this is a TOTAL bite off--yes, bite off of Fear (1996) starring Reese Witherspoon and Mark Wahlberg aka Marky Marky. Reese, too, plays an insanely naive, too horny to function, hot-in-her-crotches teenage girl. And her Dad is overprotective soooooo she meets Mark, whose charming and magical at first just like this funny face girl's crazy boyfriend in this film. Also. In this film, this girl only knew him for literally 3 days; and already, she banged like rabbits in the dirt and loved him. How exhausating! I don't recommend this movie to anyone...it sucked.

Anyhow, I guess Lifetime movies are trying to change their image on what films they show! I was going to give it 2 queen skulls because it made me laugh but that's not the films goal; so instead, 1 out of 5 queen skulls. Do something better with your time...don't be an a-hole like I was for watching and even doing a review on it.

3 comments:

  1. Haha! This was on Lifetime? I don't have cable, so I'm not exactly tuning into that channel. This does sound a little different from what I think of that channel showing, aside from the whole relationship with an evil, abusive man thing. "He's probably a member of Al-Qaeda." :) That sounds like the only problem this guy didn't have! Yeah, this isn't exactly the actor I would imagine in this role. I guess sometimes it's the nice seeming guys you need to watch out for!

    Thanks for the warning on this one. Although, it might be fun to watch with zero expectations and some popcorn! Thanks also for the blog comments ~ it's good to see you back! :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for making me laugh. Thanks for being you. You are magical and fantastic. You are one of my favorite people and I love to read your writing. I also love watching your video reviews. You are just great. The end.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mark Wahlberg has changed a lot, from laughable hip hopper to award winning actor, even though he just does action movies. If her boyfriend is pscyho just threaten to publish his internet history to the school, then watch him back down.

    ReplyDelete