Friday Feasts 6-26-2020

I feed on horror practically all day, both big and small screen releases. Because of this, every Friday I will share one of the newest independent shorts that I enjoyed. We'll call it our Friday Feasts!

The Autopsy of Jane Doe is a Claustrophobic Creepy Nightmare

The Autopsy of Jane Doe is a sophisticated, dark horror that is genuinely creepy.

FILM -- 13 Cameras

If you’re seeking a film that will leave you with the urge to take a shower afterwards, 13 Cameras is the perfect one for you.

FILM -- Los Inocentes

Want to know the horror ingredients that will definitely get you murdered?

FILM -- Cursed

Cursed is not as bad as many have made it out to be...

FILM -- Final Girl

When I first heard about Tyler Shields' Final Girl I was super excited to check it out. Find out if I loved it or hated it!

FILM -- Jonah Lives

A story of revenge from beyond the grave!

FILM -- Muck

This review is also featured on WickedHorror.com!

Before I dive into this film I want to say that I’ve been watching horror films for as long as I’ve been alive. I absolutely love them.

FILM -- Venom

This film was directed by Jim Gillespie who returns to the horror genre after I Know What You Did Last Summer with this awesome voodoo theme horror Venom! 

FILM -- Rosewood Lane

Rosewood Lane was released in 2011. The only question I have for this film is, "What in the holy FLAMING pits of hell was that?!"

I had this movie on my Netflix instant queue. Unfortunately, I decided to watch it. It took me about 3 days to COMPLETE! I fell asleep on it twice, and when I was awake, I had to take breaks to get through it. It was exhausting, not only to my eyes but also to my SOUL.


Dr. Sonny Blake, the radio talk show psychiatrist played by Rose McGowan, moves back to her childhood home after the death of her father. As she begins to settle in, she finds herself being tormented by the local 38 -year-old paperboy. The paperboy is blatantly ridiculous. Throughout the WHOLE movie, he looks like a sneaky toddler who took a dump on himself and insisted on jumping around, scheming his way to sit on your lap. Also, this ridiculous paperboy occasionally opens his eyes really wide and rolls them to the back of his head--which is supposed to frighten us. Yes, supposed to! All it received from me was a yawn and another page flip through my new ELLE magazine.



Anyway...Derek, the paperboy, has a weird way of selling his newspaper subscriptions. He shows up at Sonny's house and aggressively tries to sell her the subscription. Sonny makes it clear that she's not interested, yet Derek harassing her. Fast forward, while live on the air of her radio show, Sonny receives a phone call, and the person on the line--who clearly Derek, says a nursey rhyme. I didn't get it. I didn't want to understand why, and at that point, I wasn't even trying to understand why. Sonny's boyfriend or whatever he is tries to protect her, but since Derek is acting like a complete psycho, it's hard to do that! This leads Sonny on a search for information on Derek through the neighbors. However, the neighbors, old and apparently helpless, keep their mouths shut. Sonny even tries to tell the police, but come on! We all know what happens. The police don't believe her! That leaves Derek alone to continue jumping on rooftops with neighborhood dogs chasing him. Pure chaos. *SARCASM!*




I'll stop right there to NOT give spoilers. This movie was boring, predictable and ridiculous. It wasn't scary at all though it tried to be by playing intense music which didn't fit the scene. 

DISLIKES! This movie tried to create a modern-day horror villain, but a 38-year-old paperboy with googley eyes?? No, thank you! I love the slow burn movies but this was too slow and boring for me. Most of the time Derek was watching Sonny and others but we never figured out why. I'm not saying there has to be a solid reason, but things weren't adding up. It got to the point where when the movie was ending, although I had all these thoughts in my head--the second it ended I erased the thoughts. I erased the thoughts because I didn't care at that point.

LIKES! There were hints that Derek could possess some sort of supernatural entity which was awesome. I also liked how the action takes place in the suburban neighborhood, mostly in Sonny's home, which could be a horrifying situation! I loved how Lin Shaye made a short appearance. Whenever she's in a horror film, no matter how small her role, she always adds a hint more of eeriness.

I guess Rosewood Lane would be good for people who want a safe thriller since this film doesn't break any boundaries or push limits in any way. If you have nothing else to do with your life or feel you have nothing else to live for...I say give it a go. You may enjoy it!

Since I saw the "twist" in this film coming miles away, I'm going to give this film
 1 out of 5 queen skulls!

CLASSIC HORROR -- The Granny

UPCOMING FILM -- Oldboy REMAKE

This isn't necessarily a horror movie buuuuut I had to talk about this! I think Spike Lee is a pretty cool director...at times but this is getting ridiculous! Yes, it's ridiculous because he hopped on the remake train but he's not remaking just any movie! To avoid spoilers, I'll just say, those who haven't seen this movie just know that it has such an insanely STRONG story line that it's hard to remake something like it. More importantly, why even try? Can't you just like the movie and watch it everyday without ruining it for everyone else?

It's also ridiculous because how is it "A Spike Lee joint"? Someone give me a valid reason on how it is because it's not. It's not his. Simple. He just decided to remake it.

Anyhow, it's going to hit the theaters on October 11th, 2013. 

SYNOPSIS: Oldboy tells the story of a man who is kidnapped and imprisoned on his daughter’s birthday. For fifteen years, he is held captive, and, upon his release, must begin his journey to find the reason for his imprisonment. He soon finds out that his kidnapper has plans for him more tortuous than his solitary confinement.

Has anyone seen the original and is anyone looking forward to seeing this? 

Jeepers Creepers -- Old Church Location

Film Review #4: Cabin Fever 2 Spring Fever

Soooo, I've been doing movie reviews since the beginning of the year & this is THIS past Monday's review. The review is kinda short because I was a bit preoccupied...but STILL I was honest! If anyone liked this movie please tell me why you did because I just didn't care for it. To me, it was gross--not gorey and to me, there is a HUGE difference between gory and gross.

But Cabin Fever was gross as well but at least the storyline was more serious despite that kid with the wig doing karate kicks and screaming pancakes. Wasn't his name Billy? Yeah, well...check out my review *below* and possibly the movie!

Click here for my review!
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