Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Terrible Movies for Terrible Individuals -- Dangerous Worry Dolls

GUISE...This time around I honestly wasn’t looking for a terrible film. I mean it.

It all started last night when I decided to check out Charles Band’s film Dangerous Worry Dolls also known as Dangerous Chucky Dolls or Parasite Dolls. Regardless of which title you know it by, they all sound bad. I should have known by the title....

Charles Band is known for making killer puppets or killer doll films so this film didn’t sound too far fetched. No matter how cheesy they are, I usually love Full Moon films but this is by far the worst Full Moon film I have seen. I’m sorry Charles, I still adore you.

The film is set in a women’s prison where we meet out main character, Eva. We aren’t really sure why Eva or any of the other inmates are there. Eva simply wants to serve her time without any trouble so she can get back to being with her daughter. One day when Eva’s daughter comes to visit her mom, she gives Eva a small coffin shaped box that has tiny voo-doo like dolls from Guatemala in it. We fast forward a bit and Eva’s problems just keep piling: She’s constantly being pestered by Killa Kim, a drug dealer who wants Eva to help her and her crew export the drugs. The warden, Ms. Ivar is a rude old bag who says she knows Eva’s “type“. A security guard named Carl sexually abuses Eva and even forces her to perform amateur porno movies in the basement when everyone else is asleep. There’s only one other security guard in that whole prison. No one ever wakes up. No one ever notices. Ever. And to top it off, Eva’s daughter doesn’t even have a name. Like how is this life???

One night after Eva is assaulted by Carl, she’s completely distraught and whispers her worries into the tiny dolls and places them under pillow. As Eva sleeps the dolls crawl into her ear and that’s when things get completely ridiculous. The next morning Eva wakes up a new woman. The worry dolls give Eva confidences and due to that, she starts slaughtering inmates. She also grows a pimple in the middle of forehead that keeps growing. That’s where the worry dolls are, perhaps just one of them because I only seen one. Eventually we see one of the dolls pop out of Eva’s forehead and it’s a little skeleton making terrible squeals for some reason. I guess it’s supposed to be scary. Crazy thing is none of the inmates pay attention to the tiny skeleton popping out of her forehead. It reminded me of cuckoo clock.

I normally don’t have a problem with lower budget films because I look at the film’s direction, storyline and and performances but those were all bad here. That’s all. The acting is poor. And the storyline is dry and ridiculous. When the film first starts it comes across like a dramatic Lifetime movie.

Overall, I simply cannot recommend this film to anyone. It’s barely there, it’s just over 70 minutes. Perhaps it’s worth looking into if you’re major Charles Band fan. Otherwise, it doesn’t offer much of anything.

NO Queen Skulls because I already wasted enough time watching it and even writing about it. 

Let me walk away with the little dignity I do have.

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