Sunday, September 6, 2015

Terrible Movies for Terrible Individuals -- The Gallows

Whelp, I knew it would happen! Found footage is OFFICIALLY dead and it was The Gallows that finally did it.

Welcome to Terrible Movies for Terrible Individuals! This week I'm paying for the sins of Jason Blum since he gave the OK to Chris Lofing and Travis Cluff to make The Gallows. I'm sure many people are bored with found footage films like I am now, however there are still many people who absolutely adore it. Those people are willing to spend big bucks on it too. Perhaps that's the reason why these films keep getting made? No, of course not. It's because found footage films are cheap to make. Plus no matter what Hollywood puts in theaters, rather if it's pure crap, remakes or reboots--people will still go see them.

Moving on to the review, we open to a flashback to 1993 where a teen named Charlie Grimille accidentally gets hung during a school play called "The Gallows". What's pure insanity is that teachers thought it was okay to put a noose around a student. INSANITY! We flash forward to the present day; 2015, new students are reviving the show. Why not, right? Who cares that it's been 22 years, no one can't seem to erase the memory of the tragic accident of Charlie and the accident still dominate not only the stage but the town!

Now on to the typical characters: Pfeifer, the theater geek is starring in the play. Reese, the shy, sensitive jock with feelings and a crush on Pfeifer. Reese's friend Ryan, the douche bag of jock who is holding the camera and doesn't take the curse of Charlie serious. Ryan isn't funny nor entertaining, just simply annoying. Cassidy, the cheerleader, Ryan's girlfriend, which I have no idea what she sees in him. Ryan convinces Reese to trash the set of the stage the night before the show to prevent it from opening the following night. Cassidy decides to tag a long for some reason. Later on that night, the three of them break in to the school to follow through with vandalism the set. The three of the students run in to Pfeifer who just so happened to be there working late. But of course, you know that the students are not alone! There is someone or something else with them in the creepy, red lit, abandoned auditorium. Duh, it's Charlie! Charlie is back and he's brought his noose to punish these students for some reason. From then on the students are screaming and running all over the auditorium in pure terror.

Her face was like this 93% of the ENTIRE movie, by the way.

What I honestly do not understand is why Charlie wants to take his revenge on these students? They weren't even born! Why not take it out on the teacher(s) who gave the OK on putting a noose around his neck? That's what I would do if I was a evil spirit with a potato sack bag over my head seeking revenge. This film was a big terrible mess that I will never relive again. The acting was terrible for starters. I'm not too sure if it was the actors or if it was the script, I just know it was painful to watch. I get it was terrifying and all, there's a ghost on the loose with a noose...didn't mean to rhyme! However, the teens were constantly screaming over each other, as the audience I couldn't understand a thing they were saying and my ears were hurting. The characters were not likable and I actually wanted them all to die. Also, the writers of this film was trying to be like The Blair Witch Project by having the actors/actresses use their regular names but it just didn't work. No one believe that this film was based off of a true story, no one!

The story line is completely sloppy. There were way too many pot holes and things don't make sense. Which is a real shame because a haunted high school play sounds absolutely amazing! Maybe, just MAYBE if it wasn't in the found footage form it could have been better. The two directors tried to end the film on a high note that would make people forever talk about it but it just fell flat. I wasn't shocked by the ending nor scared, I was just simply wanted my life back. I was extremely happy that it ended.

Overall, I can't recommend The Gallows to anyone. It wasn't scary nor entertaining and because of that what's the use of it? This film was utterly dreadful. You will thank me and want to repay me with your first born for warning you. I hope that check was worth it, Mr. Blum!

NO Queen Skulls because I already wasted enough time watching it and even writing about it. 

Let me walk away with the little dignity I do have.

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