Thursday, December 19, 2013

Terrible Movies for Terrible Individuals -- OPEN HOUSE

I decide to create a review section entitles; Terrible Movies For Terrible Individuals.
You're probably wondering, "Why is the movie terrible?" If you haven't seen this movie, you should be dancing with joy! Now, if you were like me and watched this movie, you're probably wondering "Am I a terrible individual?" As a matter of fact, yes, yes you are. But no worries, I, too, am a terrible individual for sitting through ridiculousness. There have been too many times in my life I had to witness just TERRIBLE horror movies and I know I'm not alone! Now I am taken a stand and fighting back against this cruelty in honor of not only you guys and my eyes but for the easiness to my soul!

On with the review!


So basically, there is a murderer running around town killing off women real estate agents. In the beginning of the film, a woman is on the radio pouring her heart seeking help from the radio psychiatrist. The radio psychiatrist is barely listening nor taking her seriously because he's making paper planes. Nice. After getting off the phone, the woman commits suicide. Though it was a very traumatic event that occurred, I have no idea what it had to do with anything. Because it was only mentioned twice in the film, just mentioned.

The real beginning of the film begins with a real estate agent showing a couple around a new home on the market. While on this tour of showing the couple the home, the agent tries to cover up spills on the floor. She makes her way to the bathroom only to discover a decaying body in the tub then she just stands there screaming and then eventually slides down in a corner. This scene is one of the first gore scenes in the film and I should have known right away how terrible this film was going to be! It felt like she was screaming for about 15 minutes. I guess the director felt like he had some great footage on his hands because they kept cutting back forth from the screaming agent to the worms squirming around on the dead body. I wouldn't be surprised if the actress who played the real estate agent who was screaming her head off practiced for weeks her upcoming phenomenal role. This scene was so long and ridiculous, that at first when I first saw the agent screaming it was funny but then after a while it just got aggravating. Aggravating down to the point, where I want to slap her face and just clean up the blood just so she can shut up.





Anyhow, the real focus of the film is between the radio therapist and his real estate agent girlfriend (Adrianne Barbeau). When the murders start to happen, the radio psychiatrist begin to receive numerous calls from the apparent killer live on air. From then out, we see more killings. Adrianne Barbeau's character is just average and barely memorable. I really like Adrianne Barbeau as an actress however I was slightly disappointed in her performance. It kind of seemed like she was only taking on the role so she could get extra cash for a quick cruise getaway. There was a good amount of blood in the film however the horrible acting, ridiculous dialogue doesn't make up for it!



I usually do not approve of SPOILERS however I have to expose this spoiler because it was too outrageous, terrible and slightly funny to not tell! So! You have been warned, I'm going to expose who this mysterious, "psychotic" killer is. Before I do, I bet you're probably trying to guess who is it. Could it be a crazed, random listener from the radio psychiatrist show? Another real estate agent? Or perhaps maybe even the woman from the beginning who committed suicide, maybe she had a boyfriend and he's out seeking revenge? Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Now, you're probably wondering who is the killer? The killer was a balding, large, dirty hobo. Yep, it was just a random homeless person. Apparently, he was squatting in these empty houses until the real estate agents sold the homes. That made the homeless man upset therefore in his mind he felt justified in killing all these women who were simply doing their job. I'm so outraged. Who came up with that ending? I bet they felt really accomplished or like they're about to mind blow their viewers.

This film is just plain terrible and that's all. There was too much talking and majority of the time while watching, I felt like it was such a drag. I can only recommend it to people if they're on a mission to see ridiculous movies. No really, I can only recommend this film to people who who enjoy watching terrible movies for some reason. Maybe they don't have anything else to do or maybe they don't like themselves, either way I'm sure want to waste time or joke with your friends about it.


NO Queen Skulls because I already wasted enough time watching it and even writing about it. 

Let me walk away with the little dignity I do have.